Dixy Sixx's Download Diary Pt 1

Wednesday and Thursday: Arrival, rain, litres of Jagermeister, sunshine, cock rings and more... all before the music starts

WEDNESDAY

An 8am start is not something I appreciate but we were all so excited it wasn’t too bad! Unfortunately car journeys tend to be vomity affairs for me and this one was no exception. As soon as the gurgling started it was time for some sleeping pills and snoring.

The Wife woke me up at the last service station before Donington so we could enjoy the last toilet we’d see for some time.

We arrived at the drop-off point and started unloading the car in the light rain and slight wind. Wasn’t too bad, or so we thought! After walking about two miles, carrying five says of survival equipment and a lot of booze, I was just about dead. Then it got worse...

Just as we were about to pitch tents the rain really started coming down. Really really chucking it down. A serious dose of British downpour in the middle of a field with no fucking shelter. By the time me and the tiny wife set up the canvas house everything was wet: tents, sleeping bags, food, clothes and rather obviously us...

When the light went it got so cold two of our camp nearly bailed out to a Travelodge. Me and new mate Eddie sat under our shaky gazebo, developing hypothermia and coming out with festival classic quotes like: "Help me Eddie" and "Dixy, I think we’re all going to die..."

It became seriously harsh! Before retiring to the canvas castle I made the statement: "Tomorrow, when we open our tents and look outside, it’s going to be glorious sunshine and we’ll all be happy again."

THURSDAY

We opened our tents, it was glorious sunshine and we were all happy again. The tent was boiling and as we rolled out to face the day it was with giant smiles! A breakfast of BBQ burgers and pork loin pleased me greatly. (There was also bacon on offer but we had to cook it in a soup pan and I was not about eating that.)

We went up into the village to see what was going on and found some pretty cool little stalls. Some highlights were the Strumpets With Crumpets who provided me with many a honey crumpet during the festival, the Shisha pipes (although the queue was pretty shitty) And the STICKY WALL!

(A short aside: When I was a kid the gala would come to town once a year and they always had a sticky wall. It’s like a horizontal washing machine, but for people. It spins at massive speed and you all get stuck to the wall with the velocity. Awesome, right? I used to be able to turn upside-down and everything. When I was 13 they stopped bringing it - very upsetting and thus very exciting when I found it at Download!)

Then it was time for plaiting the Wife’s dreadlocks, and drinking. After adding 35 locks to Wife she pulled from her bag (which is like Narnia) a litre bottle of Jager.

In four hours me and she had consumed the whole bottle and were very merrily rolling around the campsite. Many times the phrase "Wife Down!" was used, with an almost equal amount of gazebo collapse issues. Total fun was had by all.

We went back to the village for more crumpets. The village is a cool place but after half a litre each it was very very fun! So many lights and so many friends to make!

My lame asthma decided to start messing me about so we went to the Medicine Man van where three men asked me, "Would you like to buy a vibrating cock ring?" Usually I’d be totally up for this but tent sex is not an arousing experience, so we passed. (Did you know you can buy cock rings in Boots now? Weird...)

We lost three members of the camp for a few drunken hours but everyone managed to reconvene and throw up together... a romantic end to the night. I spooned my Wife.